Metamorphosis

met·a·mor·pho·sis

/. medəˈmôrfəsəs/

  • a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by -natural or supernatural means.

 

I opened my blog this morning feeling like a visitor. Searching for answers to questions I didn’t realize I had. At 23 years old, I never thought I would be going to my 20 year old self for guidance, but here I am.

This year has gone by in the blink of an eye and it’s hard to accept the fact its near the end of August. Our wedding is less than a month away and I feel like I need a “Mental Health Day” from work & planning to de-stress myself. My poor mind does not remember a time before wedding planning.

Who am I now? I feel like I don’t recognize the person I was in Colorado. My mindset has been altered tremendously. Is this a bad thing? I don’t believe so….I believe 2017 was its own chapter. I believe I needed to experience this type of living, creating building blocks to further better who I am.

When I say “this type of living”,” you may wonder what I mean. And what I mean is

 

a 9-5 office job.

a year of planning a wedding

a year of less spontaneity and more scheduled plans.

routine

 

Looking at my blog – I am currently living the life I used to disparage. The amount of guilt I have put on myself for this has given me too much stress to bear . Over this past year I have opened my blog maybe 3 times to write an article. Every time I just sit, forcing creativity to take over my brain. I then close my laptop and move on with my day.

What has happened to the little wanderlust girl I once knew? The girl who did not have to worry about bills or planning for the future? I have finally come to the realization that year by year, I will have a different mindset. Year by year I will have different goals which will lead to different priorities. Life will never be the same as the year before. And that’s okay. You will not grow if you do not experience change.

The girl I was in Colorado did not realize how difficult life can be with debt. She also didn’t realize there will be a day you will need to afford health insurance without Mom and Dad. The little girl in Colorado dreamed of one day having a house with her husband, but didn’t want to put money into savings.

There’s got to be a balance, you see. I don’t want a lot of things, but the things I do want require discipline.  Adulting sucks, am I right? But, there’s no way out of it. I know I can be the free-spirited gal I was out West, while still maintaining discipline I need to live the life I dream of. I can go work at my corporate job and come home to yoga and meditation.

This year as been an essential year of growth. To be blunt – I feel like I have my shit together. Which feels good….and also kind of boring. But, I believe this is something that I needed to happen. The real world had to slap me in the face and remind me it’ll always still be there. I am learning to have the mindset of an adult and the heart of a child.

Life’s flow comes in waves. As our wedding day passes and the year starts to quickly come to an end, I hope to begin a new chapter in this life. A new year of living in the Midwest without plans ( except our Iceland honeymoon 🙂 ). A year of caring less about moving up the corporate ladder and more about where to camp for the weekend. A year of saving up for a house to buy, but making sure to do mental check-ups on my well-being.

So here’s to the new Morgan. The I-Have-My-Shit-Together-But-Still-Know-We-Are-All-Just-Smart-Monkeys-On-A-Floating-Rock-Flying-Through-Space-Morgan.

(Thanks Joe Rogan).

until next time,

•morgan

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